The world can live without

They personally say god does not exist, the paranormal doesnt exist.. what if i say i am attacked each day every night, i am too scared to sleep.. i felt numb, maybe my spirit is broken somehow..

but to me ever since i was young, as long you can feel wind, it's there though u cannot see it.

Numbness..

issit a grace to tell you, u have not felt after you felt, a growth of your nerve left pulsating till it grows tired of you.

or issit what they wanted from you,

This world is loving without you.. like a nerve , its numb but thats all.. blood still flows.

this world is beautiful but empty, its beauty is judged by us, build by us artists.

Whats there to lose, waiting to bear your children to beautify it till your childrens children?

why bear more worries, why not just do it with your mask on and feel the numbness of society, the very blood that beautify this world.

Wear your mask and do it.. or die doodling, young child of adams seed

I am really grateful

but i don't feel that i belong in this place, this time, this space. who am i, why am i looking through this eyes, why through this eyes, i felt irritated easily by anything or anyone.

Why am i not concern about money, why i seem to think almost anything yet said nothing at all.

Why am i always different than others, i didnt mean to be different, i really didnt mean to be, why am i not swayed by the flow.why their words seem like a farting wind to me.

Why am i not following them as all would do, why am i not amazed by what they do, why do i act, issit what siow yean meant by being spirit crushed that i felt nothing at all, that i didnt want to have expression or a sight of gratefulness to share.


Is this what emptiness felt like. am i born without a heart or was i molded misplaced a heart, seeing through it, everyone seem to have different views on about everything, i felt nothing, no point of view because i seem to kept many from them yet none for my own.

i am a vassal, arent i.God..i love you god

From the moment the thunderstorm, i knew thats how to bring life to this place, that the means of spirit is electricity, its wonderful.
Why am i not chasing girls, buying phones, new cars, and yet, i felt nothing.

am i looking through this eye sitting in silence, screaming in silence i wanna wanna, i wanna..



cry

My grandma

She wont be around anymore. 1st nov 2009.

Sunday august 13th 2007

Sunday august 13th 2007,

Captains log Saviour D lucifer

was on a bus from subang parade till summit till i saw a boy came into the bus holding a basket of chip's , seing as he tries to sell his goods to one person was rejected, his next attempt falters by himself due to lack of self esteem and comfydence.

it reminds me that no one ever did try to buy my stuff too on my odd jobs...

i fork out 5 RuMs to buy his chips , crying inside ...

saying keep the change , how oblivious from a kam siap fella..

all the ppl looked ..like u got cheated ~ i looked away thinking so what~

Meanwhile...

a kid was put away by his mom to sit with me . she would rather sit with her friend than her crying son ...

i was like #@$#$@#$@#$@#$ kids again...i hate clown and kids ..

anyway ..he sobs and slept... tuck his head on My left SHOULDER..

as he woke up ,feeling something amiss .. his hands were holding a bag of chips

not knowing where in heaven it came from ~

i was from a far smiling ,he smiled back ....

i felt good ,eating a bag of chips thinking...

shit this is good chips ...i shouldnt have gave the other pack...

i felt good and ready to get all A's for all my results ..in my insy bitsy heart...

anyway wateva i did , i did it for myself ,

and u must be a boring person to read this , figures~

Light, bread and butter

When a child is born, raised. Technology has been a topic common within young society.. But what is interesting is how teens react to their parents ignorance towards technology gap, which created a gap in between saying Oo they are old, clueless yet lack understanding..

My dear dear, in return when you are at their shoes, young ones will treat you just the very same because technology grows even beyond our deaths. Every screw crook and pixels will be explored, tampered.

Technology does change, discovery never ceases, digging up every scrap of the earth but whats interesting is that one thing didn't change is ourselves. We may find new ways to breath even by piercing a screw in but we still breath. Basically we never change, emotions, reactions, basic human knowledge is still the very same. One day as adult, u realize things starts down from the very core, we laugh, we cry, we wonder why, we wished that someone just die, the reason behind it all. All habits, actions has a core findings to why..

As we need light to see, bread to stay alive and flavoring of butter to zest. It grew so deep, tangled.. that we may fail to find the source of our sufferings as we will be tied to our circumstances.
Remember your light bread and butter

Forgiving Silence

Fancy? weird? odd?

from baby to teens to adults to baby again
Although not cute, but still. My grandma represents what all people would end up for not achieving forgiveness.
U coop in your own room pressing in all the issues in your head, in the end medicine is the way to go, till it shrunk your brain.

She Struck my mind as to what love really is, Its not about having babis and use them as investment plans 101, certainly not how sweet he/ she(else diabetis occurs where you get abit no more tooth to sink it in), Definitely not looks( Go read magazine), No not accompany( Pets can do better).
The answer is on top, so i would not say.

Why? becoz we are a disease, pest with brains~.. Look look see see, Its everywhere. Haha.
with a spice of politics etc etc. With mouths we complain, With eyes we judged, With ears we tap, Hands of course harassed. She is what i remind that i should careless what you did before or what you plan to do, I might stop you but that the least i can do.

"Judge life not on wrongs and rights, Judge what you learn and you realize u dun need to judge after all "

And today, I know with all the ill treatments she received from my aunts, Definitely she did not lead a comfortable life, but atleast her tiny brain will make her forget every bad things she did and had before. i hope she just remember the good times, i know god will forgive her as i have too.

The origin

Clean up abit of my bed.

First thing i realize is this tiny envelope, THIS special most cheapskate envelope is a first gift i got from someone interesting to me.

Full of hearts because every detail to parts are handdrawn like a book-_- well there are 2 pirated cds and alot of papers lil drawing of hats, cakes 24 candles, spiders to accompany me to PINK RIBBON to remind me how big boobs i have.Well auntie likes to do this things, its like a constant nagging and reminder of how caring she is.

Unfortunately i cant cry to express how retouched i am though. She said she thanked me for me accompanying her and all but actually no thanks nor sorry has to be said. This blog account is opened by her to help me write things and stuffs.
So this is actually my first post, and my first post would be a thank you, Priscilla.